I was at Royal Marsden yesterday (Monday) for bloods and scan. All blood tests bar one are ok. However my "bilirubin" levels have been rising which means I cannot continue with any trial or repeat my last treatment cycle. We're reviewing options but time seems even more precious :-) xx
I don't care if you are 1, 20, 50 or 80. You are never ready to loose a parent.
My Dad was diagnosed with Bowel and Colon Cancer 6 weeks before my wedding in June 2012. Unfortunately, when diagnosed with Cancer, it was discovered that he already had secondary metastatic liver cancer.
He wasn't ill before his diagnosis. He had an accident on the bike that he purchased as part of his 'midlife' crisis and was taken to hospital to review the damage. He was subsequently given some pain relief and some tablets to reduce the inflammation. These tablets subsequently caused him to have a bleed. Not being too concerned, the doctor referred him to the hospital to check that actually the bleed was only being caused by the tablets. Unfortunately, it wasn't.
To be diagnosed with cancer is one thing. To be told that your doctors and nurses will never be able to get rid of it is another. I thought that this news was difficult enough to deal with. But, luckily, the N&N Oncology department are wonderful, and gave Dad the best possible treatment and some of the best medicine.
2 and a half years later, he's still here. Knowing what I know about terminal cancer and specifically about liver cancer, I know that he's done incredibly well to stay as healthy as he had for the last few years.
But suddenly, in the last few weeks, his condition has deteriorated massively and unfortunately, he can no longer continue the trial at Royal Marsden in London, and cannot go back to the treatment he was having In Norwich. His liver is failing and there is nothing more they can do to help him.
His skin is yellow ... he has lost a considerable amount of weight ... his skin is itchy ... the whites of his eyes are yellow ... his belly area is swollen ... He is still, despite everything, in incredible spirits. He's an amazing man. And he's my Daddy.
When I found out he was ill, I thought there was a chance he wouldn't make my wedding ... then when I found out I was pregnant, I thought he wouldn't see my child ... then when Isla was born, I thought he wouldn't see her first birthday. But he's seen all of those. And the relationship he has developed with Isla is second to none. I am so very grateful for the time he has been given with us.
But my heart aches, and I can't hold back the tears.
I went to see him yesterday and asked if there was anything I could do. He response almost killed me.
Pray for me, in your own way.
Deal with it with some sense of humour.
Forgive me when I become confused.
They haven't given him a time - certainly not that he has told me. But in my heart of hearts, I don't think he has got very long. Isla's not ready to loose her Grandad.
And I am so very not ready to loose my Dad.
I love him more than he will ever know ...
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